he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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