Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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