ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
