This is not my ceiling
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
