you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
