ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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