OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
