All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
