i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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