I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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