If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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