shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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