we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is Oprah even human
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
