I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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