so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Never joke about your clitoris.
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