who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
