I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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