Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
