dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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