Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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