You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My day in three words: secret purse cake
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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