The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
