We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your tits are I can't wait for
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
