I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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