my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
