I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
