the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
two words...techno handjob
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
