saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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