i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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