Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
