she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
