pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
