I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize