did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
