Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
