this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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