Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
