Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
