Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize