I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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