I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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