i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
