Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
