Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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