first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
