Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
