My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
