I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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