now i know why i became what i already was.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
