all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize