you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
