for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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