Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
