I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she pinky promised me she was 18
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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