his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
