ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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