BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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