im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
