Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
