I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
