Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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