is your mom at the bar?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
