stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
