I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
