"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
