How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
