We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
