the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Blood and glitter go together right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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