now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Come on in and take your pants off
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