So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
